On Resentment
There are countless reasons to feel resentful. You didn’t get the job you wanted, your partner betrayed you, you lost a game of chess — the list goes on. But I believe the root of resentment can be summed up in one word: unfair.
Fairness — being impartial and just, without favouritism or discrimination — does not exist. Most people have heard the expression life’s not fair, but I suspect few truly internalise what that means. And why would they? Fairness is lauded as a noble ideal, something to be upheld at all costs, a moral compass society encourages us to follow.
An unfair world breeds resentment. And resentment becomes a serious problem once it burrows into the psyche. A resentful soul is equal parts destructive and dangerous. Deep-seated resentment can quietly erode a person’s spirit, draining their vitality and their ability to emit positive energy into the world. Resentful people project their bitterness, anger, and disgust onto others — sometimes even onto the world itself. Often, resentment is directed at those perceived to have been treated fairly — or worse, more than fairly. In this way, perceived success often breeds resentment.
The antidote is acceptance. Accept that life is not fair and never will be. Yes, this is far easier said than done. And for many, it’s a deeply uncomfortable message — even offensive. Especially to those who have suffered repeated misfortune: violence, war, disease. Life can throw unimaginable horrors at people. And to tell them to accept that? How dare you. They might hate you for saying it. But the truth often cuts deep. Life is not fair, and it never will be. Acceptance is not indifference — it is the only way to release the burden of resentment.
Crucially, recognition does not equate to inaction. Although fairness is a worthy pursuit, we must not become lost in the search for the Holy Grail. It doesn’t exist. Treat fairness not as a destination, but as a direction. Life will blow you off course from time to time — but if you keep your compass steady, the pursuit can still continue.
